Jealousy is a gift.
Think about someone you’re jealous of, and believe me when I tell you that your feeling of jealousy is shining a big fat spotlight on a gift that is JUST for you.
Most of my clients come to me with a specific goal in mind – something they want to achieve, and a desire to partner with me to achieve it. If you’ve heard me speak about goals, you know that rarely is the achievement of a goal REALLY what someone wants. What they really want is the feeling and experience that comes from achieving that goal. More on that another time, but my point here is that most people don’t REALLY know what they want.
(Ok, Shayna, so how do I know what I really want? I can’t decide what I want for lunch most days!).
Glad you asked!
You can start by looking at whom and what you’re jealous of. That envy is highlighting what you really want! Jealousy has a negative connotation but if we shift the perspective, it’s really a huge red flashing arrow saying LOOK AT ME because it provides insight into what you want and it empowers you to get it!!
Let me give you an example. I had a client who was (and still is) an executive at a global firm and a mom. She came to me because despite achieving a c-suite position at a well-known company, having a beautiful marriage and family and a house in the suburbs with a literal white picket fence, she felt completely empty.
She didn’t know what she needed to do or change, but she knew she couldn’t continue on this way as it was starting to affect her performance, her team and her family. When we spent our sessions working through what mattered to her and what she wanted, she struggled to articulate exactly what those things were. Then during one session, she appeared out of sorts. When I asked about it, she shared that she’d just seen on social media that her old college roommate had landed a job at a media start-up as their COO while also getting her sommelier certification.
When we dug deeper, we discovered what was at the root of my client’s jealousy. She wanted to create something from scratch that she could grow, and she wanted to reawaken a passion for wine that she’d abandoned in college because it didn’t fit into her major.
After many powerful conversations and a whole lot of checking assumptions and limiting beliefs, she felt empowered to pursue what she REALLY wanted. So, she landed another role that allowed her to build, grow and scale a new market offering at her current company.
Additionally, she and her husband decided to become part owners at a local vineyard they used to frequent before having kids. Her team knows that on certain days of the month, she’s at the vineyard and she sets clear boundaries around this time.
Before our coaching engagement ended, she told me “My life didn’t get simpler, which I thought was what I needed. It’s busier, but so much richer. I can’t wait to wake up in the morning, which I NEVER thought I’d say.”
Next time you feel the pang of jealousy, notice where the spotlight is shining, pay attention to the insights you’re getting and be open to a gift of clarity you could be receiving.