I used to think asking for help was basically waving a white flag. Like I was saying “I can’t do this” instead of “I’ve got this.” Turns out I had it backwards the whole time!
Here’s a reframe on asking for help I want to give you today: it’s you handing someone else a chance to shine. Think about the last time a colleague, your kid, your partner (yes, even them) helped you out with something they’re actually good at. Did you see them as burdened? Nope. They lit up. Because you saw something in them and said “I need that.” Research shows that when Person A helps Person B, Person B actually feels more likeability towards Person A!
I hear this constantly from the leaders I coach: “I should be able to handle this myself.” Should. There’s that word again (my Should Audit clients know exactly what I mean). You built a whole identity around being the one who doesn’t need anybody, and now you’re exhausted, resentful, and doing tasks that are actually in someone else’s zone of genius. Meanwhile that someone is sitting there, capable and unused, wondering why you never ask them for anything.
Asking for help, done right, is a strengths-based move. You’re not just outsourcing a task. You’re naming what someone is great at and inviting them to lean into it. “You’re so organized, could you take point on the logistics for this?” In my personal life, it might go like, “You explain things to the kids way better than I do – can you handle the homework conversation tonight?” That’s you seeing people clearly and giving them a chance to be seen.
And here’s the win-win part. They get to feel valued, capable, needed. You get the thing off your plate and done well by someone who’s actually built for it. Ahhhhhhh, the relief! Nobody loses here. The only person who loses is the version of you who insists on doing everything alone and calling it strength.
If you’re a parent in a leadership role (hi, that’s basically all of you reading this), you already know the math doesn’t add up. You cannot be the sole strategist, the sole snack-packer, the sole everything, all the time, and expect to have anything left at the end of the day. Asking for help isn’t a crack in your armor. It’s a tool. Use it like one.
So next time you catch yourself about to grind through something solo, stop. Ask yourself who around you would actually light up if you handed it to them. Then ask. Watch what happens.