Having coached hundreds of clients, I’ve noticed patterns that beg to be addressed. Last week, we tackled crying at work—thank you to everyone who shared how deeply that resonated!
This week, let’s talk about frustration. Specifically, those moments when you find yourself repeatedly annoyed with a colleague, team member, or employee. You’re kind, empathetic, and genuinely care about people. You want to be liked. I get it—I’m wired the same way.
But here’s the problem: you’re letting subpar behaviors or performance slide.
You tell yourself they’re new. They’re still learning. It’s not that big of a deal. You don’t want to micromanage. You second-guess your instincts. And before you know it? That “small” issue has snowballed. Now, you’re resentful, maybe even angry, because you’ve been tolerating something that isn’t working for you. But you feel like it’s too late to correct—or worse, you finally explode after holding it in for too long.
Here’s the truth: the sooner you address it, the easier it is.
Nip it in the bud. Don’t let it fester.
Of course, no one is perfect, and you can’t control everything. But if someone isn’t meeting expectations, struggling to perform at their best, or falling short, it’s only fair to tell them. When you stay silent, you’re signaling that what they’re doing is fine. No wonder they keep doing it!
Imagine going months (or, gasp, years!) thinking you’re doing something correctly, only to find out—way later—that your boss wasn’t happy. Or worse, you sense their frustration but don’t know why. Wouldn’t that feel unfair? Like you were robbed of the opportunity to improve?
Here’s the kicker: it’s your job to give feedback—early and often. It’s how you help people grow, thrive, and course correct before things go sideways.
If you’re unsure where to start, here are three easy but not obvious tips:
1. Ask Before You Assume
Instead of jumping straight to correction, start with curiosity. Try, “I noticed XYZ happening. How are you approaching this?” This gives them a chance to explain—and sometimes, you’ll find they had a good reason or misunderstood expectations.
2. Use the “One-Liner Rule”
Not all feedback requires a big, dramatic conversation. Sometimes, a quick one-liner like “Hey, I noticed this—let’s tweak it next time” is all that’s needed. Small nudges prevent big course corrections later.
3. Balance Speed with Support
Yes, address issues quickly, but also offer guidance. Saying “This isn’t working” isn’t helpful. Saying “This isn’t working, and here’s how we can improve it” is. Feedback should feel like a two-way street, not a dead end.
And if you want to chat about how to balance giving all kinds of feedback (because people deserve the good stuff too!), grab some time with me. Let’s make sure your leadership approach feels empowering—not exhausting.