Here’s what I hear from my clients almost every week: “I don’t have enough time.”
I get it. You’re leading a team, raising kids, trying to be present at home, and somewhere in between all of that, you’re supposed to hold it together. The calendar is full. The to-do list, relentless.
But here’s what I’ve noticed. It’s not always about how much is on your calendar. It’s about why it’s there.
Ready to start getting some time back?
Pull up your calendar right now. Look at each item and ask yourself one question: Did I put this here because I wanted to, or because I felt like I should?
The committee you agreed to chair. The networking event you said yes to because “it’ll be good for you.” The recurring meeting that lost its purpose six months ago but nobody’s cancelled. Those are your shoulds. They are ruthless time robbers.
When your calendar is packed with obligations accepted out of guilt, habit, or fear of what someone will think, you don’t just lose time. You lose energy. You lose presence. And you lose the bandwidth to show up the way you actually want to…everywhere.
If you’re leading at work and at home, your “should” problem is multiplied. The guilt comes from every direction. You should be more available at work. You should be more present at home. You should volunteer more. You should slow down. You should push harder.
No wonder your calendar looks the way it does! It’s a physical manifestation of everyone else’s expectations.
Try this: Open your calendar for the next two weeks. Go item by item and label each one: is it a want (something you chose intentionally) or a should (something you agreed to out of obligation or habit)?
Count the shoulds. Not to shame yourself, but to see clearly. Then pick just one – one to remove, decline, or hand off this week. Notice what that feels like. What did you eliminate? I’d love to know!
This is not a time management trick but rather a values clarification exercise disguised as a calendar audit. Yep! It’s never just about the calendar, folks!
I know what the voice in your head is saying: But my team needs me. My kids need me. I can’t just start saying no.
The truth? Protecting your time is not selfish. It’s a leadership competency. The leaders who show up most effectively at work and at home are not the ones who said yes to everything. They’re the ones who got intentional about what deserved their yes. A calendar full of shoulds doesn’t make you a good leader or a good parent. It makes you a depleted one.
Might there be other places where you’re shoulding all over yourself?
Want to do this kind of work alongside other parent leaders who get it? Come join my community — it’s where we dig into exactly this, together.