You’ve probably been taught that being selfish is bad. Especially if you’re a parent — and especially if you’re a mom — you’ve likely internalized the belief that your value comes from how much of yourself you give away.
You’re the one they want to kiss the boo-boos.
You’re the one the school calls when someone’s sick.
You’re the one who stays late to make sure your team feels supported – because you don’t want to be the kind of leader who just delegates and disappears.
You’re the one making sure everyone in the office is okay emotionally, smoothing things over, “playing nice in the sandbox”- a phrase I hate.
You’re the glue. And you’re exhausted.
But when you finally consider taking time for yourself – to rest, to breathe, to do something that fills your own cup – that familiar guilt creeps in:
Who am I to put myself first?
Here’s the truth: you’re not selfish for prioritizing yourself. You’re wise.
When you’re running on fumes, you stop being effective – at work, at home, everywhere. Your patience gets shorter. Your creativity fades. Your empathy thins out. You start surviving instead of leading.
Selfishness, as most of us learned it, meant choosing yourself instead of others. But what if it really means choosing yourself so that you can show up better for everyone else?
I’m selfish! Every day, I carve out time to exercise – whether it’s a walk, a HIIT class, or heavy lifting. My family knows this. Sometimes they wait, sometimes they join in, but that time is mine.
I sometimes say no to nights out (and trust me, I love a good night out) when I’ve already said yes to other commitments – because family time matters, and I want to be fully present when I’m with them.
And on the flip side, I say yes to weekends away and nights out with friends, because connecting with people who aren’t colleagues or clients refuels me in ways nothing else does.
I do things for me – unapologetically – because that’s what allows me to show up fully for the people I care about most.
So, let’s redefine selfish.
Being selfish is honoring your own needs so you can lead, love, and live with intention.
That’s not indulgent. That’s leadership.
And you deserve it.