I can’t tell you how many times clients have brought this up in coaching sessions—whether they’re the ones tearing up in a meeting or they’re the ones witnessing someone else cry. It’s a common experience, yet many people don’t know how to handle it.
Let’s talk about tears—the kind that show up in the workplace, in tough conversations, or when vulnerability catches us off guard. Many people (especially women) find them frustrating, a betrayal of composure when they’d rather project confidence. And many people feel awkward witnessing them, unsure of what to do.
Here’s the truth: tears are normal. They are a physical response to emotional overload, the body’s built-in way of releasing tension. The greater the stress, the stronger the release. Instead of fighting them or making them a bigger deal than they are, let’s talk about what to do—whether you’re the one shedding them or the one sitting across the table.
If You’re Crying:
- Don’t apologize. You don’t need to say, “Ignore me,” or “I hate that I do this.” You’re a human with a functioning nervous system. No need to be sorry for that.
- Label the tears. Say, “These are frustration tears” or “These are exhausted tears.” This does two things: (1) It helps you regain a sense of control, and (2) It gives the other person context without them having to guess.
- Don’t fixate on them. The best way to move through the moment? Keep talking. Keep going. Tears don’t mean you’re not credible, capable, or professional. They just mean you care.
If You’re Witnessing the Tears:
- Skip the tissues. Your instinct might be to hand over a tissue, but that subtly signals, “Let’s clean this up.” Instead, let the person regulate in their own time. Have tissues available and within reach knowing someone, at some point, will need them.
- Don’t make it about you. Avoid remarks like “Oh no, not this again” or “I don’t know how to handle this.” Your job isn’t to fix their emotions; it’s to hold space for the conversation.
- Encourage them to continue. A simple “Keep going” or “You’re okay” can reassure them that tears aren’t shutting down the conversation — but be mindful of tone. Delivered with warmth and patience, these phrases can feel supportive. But if said too abruptly or without genuine care, they may come across as dismissive. Consider your relationship and power dynamics—sometimes, simply holding space with a nod or an open posture is more effective.
At the end of the day, tears are just part of being human. They don’t need to be hidden, excused, or overanalyzed. Let them be what they are—a release—and move forward. That’s how we create workplaces where people feel safe enough to be real.