Ever find yourself thinking, “When this project is done, then things will calm down,” or “Once the kids are older, then I’ll be able to go to the bathroom in peace”?
Yeah. I used to think that way, too.
That, my friends, is the arrival fallacy: the belief that once we hit a certain milestone, we’ll finally feel happy, fulfilled, or at peace.
When I worked in corporate, I lived in this cycle. There was always another big project, another org transformation to conquer, another parenting milestone on the horizon. I told myself, “Just get through this and then things will feel easier.”
But “then” never came.
And here’s the thing—I don’t live that way anymore. Through practice (and the very tools I now teach my clients), I’ve learned to stop postponing my happiness and presence for some imaginary future moment. It’s not perfect—life is still busy and messy—but it’s a whole different way of leading, parenting, and living.
For leaders who are also parents, this trap is everywhere. Work milestones, family milestones—there’s always another “there” to get to. It’s like running on a treadmill while convincing yourself there’s a finish line up ahead. Spoiler: there isn’t.
The arrival fallacy robs us of joy because it tricks us into believing that fulfillment lives somewhere in the future instead of right here, right now.
So how do we break free?
By noticing this moment instead of chasing the next one. By celebrating small wins. By finding tiny pockets of joy and actually allowing ourselves to soak them in—not later, but now.
This week, catch yourself when you start to think, “Once this is done, then…” and instead ask:
“What’s good right now?”
Because here’s the truth: there’s no “there” there.
There’s only here.