You have a packed calendar, a full inbox, a team counting on you, and kids who need you present. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, someone invented the idea that you should be doing it all perfectly. Cool. Super helpful. Thanks for that.
If you’ve been anywhere near TikTok or the Wall Street Journal lately, you’ve probably seen the beta mom trend. It’s the pushback against hyper-intensive, over-scheduled, achievement-at-all-costs parenting. Beta moms are letting go of the perfectly sorted sock drawer and the color-coded family calendar. They’re choosing flexibility over performance. Join me in a collective exhale. Ahhhhhhh…..
My take is that this isn’t just a mom thing. Dads are burned out, too, I hear it every day. Parents in leadership are running on fumes and still trying to look like they have it together at work and at home. The pressure to optimize every corner of your life is coming from everywhere and I know you’re feeling it.
The beta parent trend is resonating because it gives people permission to stop performing. And that’s the word I want you to sit with: performing. We’ve been conditioned to perform as parents the same way we perform as leaders. Show up polished. Never drop the ball. Make it look effortless.
Trying to please everyone, to meet every standard, and to never let anything slip is contributing to your burnout. And a burned-out version of you doesn’t show up well anywhere.
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: balance is not the goal. Balance implies you can split yourself evenly and no one gets shorted. That’s not life. That’s not leadership. That’s not parenting. If you want to go deeper on why I think balance is a myth, I wrote about it here: Why Work Life Balance is Bullsh*t
Going “beta” doesn’t mean checked out. It means intentional. It means knowing which things actually matter to your family and releasing your death grip on the rest. It means your kid eating cereal for dinner on a Tuesday is not a referendum on your parenting.
As a leadership coach who works with parents in leadership roles, I see this play out constantly. High-achieving people who are incredible at their jobs, struggling under the weight of impossible standards they’ve set for themselves at home. And whose standards are they measuring themselves against? They’re not even sure.
That’s the work. Not finding balance. Not doing less. Getting clear on what matters, releasing what doesn’t, and leading your life from that place instead of from fear of judgment.