Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much we change as we grow—not just in what we do, but in how we think, what we value, and what truly matters to us. But while we recognize our own evolution, it’s not always obvious to the people who’ve known us the longest. And sometimes, without realizing it, we still operate within expectations that no longer fit.
Many of the high-achieving professionals I coach—leaders juggling work, parenting, and everything in between—carry around a set of expectations that aren’t even theirs. They belong to the people who raised them. And while those expectations may have served them at one point, they often become a quiet weight holding them back.
Here’s the thing: Just like our own kids are growing and evolving before our eyes, we have been evolving too. But unlike a child’s obvious transformation—shooting up inches, learning to read, developing new skills (or attitudes *I see you other mothers raising tween girls!*)—our shifts in beliefs, values, and priorities aren’t always visible. And sometimes, the people who raised us still see the version of us they knew best. The obedient kid. The overachiever. The peacemaker. Whatever role we once played in our family, it can be hard to break free from it—even when it no longer fits.
This is why I spend so much time working with my clients on their values. Not the ones they inherited. Not the ones they were told “should” matter. But the ones that actually do matter to them now. Because when we don’t stop to check in on what we truly care about, we risk running a life on autopilot, making choices based on a script we didn’t even write.
So, here’s a challenge: Take a moment and ask yourself—what are you holding onto that’s no longer yours to carry? What beliefs, expectations, or roles are you still playing because you think you should? It’s okay to be grateful for where you came from while also stepping fully into who you’ve become.
After all, you’re not who you once were.