Let’s be real: between Slack pings, endless meetings, and the 14 things on your to-do list before noon, who has time for lunch—let alone a feelings-filled heart-to-heart over it?
But here’s the thing: people aren’t tasks. And if you lead them like checkboxes, don’t be shocked when your feedback lands with a thud (or worse, goes ignored).
One of my clients—an incredible leader and parent—was wrestling with how to give feedback to someone on his team. He’s got heart for days, super empathetic, and wants to do right by his people. But he was worried that in the chaos of a busy day, his well-intentioned feedback was coming across more cold than caring.
So he switched it up.
He took her to lunch.
Now, before you roll your eyes and say, “Must be nice to have time for a sit-down lunch,” hear me out: he didn’t do it to sugarcoat the feedback. He did it to connect. They talked about her goals, what lights her up, where she wants to grow. And then he gave her direct feedback—but this time, it hit different. Because it came from someone who saw her as more than just a task-completer.
Spoiler alert: it worked.
As Anthony Bourdain once said, “You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.” It’s not just poetic—it’s biological. Sharing food is primal. Evolutionarily, we only shared what we needed to survive with those we trusted. Sitting down for a meal signals safety, openness, and mutual respect. So even today, when we “break bread,” we’re dropping defenses. Stripping away titles. Creating connection on a human level where plaques and pay grades don’t matter.
Breaking bread doesn’t have to mean sharing physical space. If someone is remote, consider a virtual coffee or lunch date—send them a gift card for their favorite snack and hop on a video call. Even setting aside time for a casual “no-agenda” Zoom can work wonders. It’s not about the food—it’s about the pause. The intention. The willingness to lead with presence, not just performance.
And yeah, I get it—not everyone can have lunch with every team member. Maybe lunch feels awkward. Maybe you’re thinking, “I barely eat sitting down myself.” Fine. But don’t miss the bigger point:
Feedback lands best when people feel seen. Heard. Human.
So maybe it’s a quick coffee run. A hallway pause. A two-minute Slack check-in that starts with, “How are you doing?” before diving into KPIs.
Be direct. Be clear. But for the love of leadership, be human. A little connection goes a long way—and sometimes, a sandwich helps, too.